My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
