I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
