i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
