i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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