So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So many bounce houses so little time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Floor bacon is actually really good
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
