Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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