I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
