i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
