I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
