it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
