I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think your dad took our porno
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
