The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
