she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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