he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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