thus making me awesome and them whores
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
