dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
