your room smells of hookers.
And success
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
