This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
