Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
