dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
