There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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