just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
