What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
