Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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