Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
