Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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