Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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