my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She's the barista slut.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
