Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
