just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
