My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
