The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drunk is a universal language darling
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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