Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
