maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
