Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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