I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
