btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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