i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
