why didn't you poke me back
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
