Kiss
Puke
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
