I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
