They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
