No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
