if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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