just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
