I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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