Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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