2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
