I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize