When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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