atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
