i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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