He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
