how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
