I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
