I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
