Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
