My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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