All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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