Can Purell be used as lube?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
