I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
FUCK WHALES
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize