If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
