Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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