What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
