A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
