Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize