guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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