haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
