all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.