hotties wanna shake it
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.