You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
