But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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