After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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