PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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