I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
